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Bad Bob

September 29, 2010

You gotta love religious tracts. And of course by love I mean hate. Here’s one my friend David picked up the other day. It tells us exactly what will happen to our children if we don’t raise them right:

Meet Bad Bob. Bob didn’t start out bad. He was made that way because his mother didn’t spank him enough.

Eventually Bob’s lack of spanking caught up with him.

And of course Bob eventually found himself in jail.

One day the jail caught fire.

Fortunately someone was there to explain to Bob that the jail house fire wasn’t just real, it was a metaphor.

As is always the case Bad Bob became Christian Bob as soon as he heard the salvation sales pitch.

Unfortunately for Bob’s friends, they now had to find a new dealer.

Join us again next Tuesday as we start a new tradition here at American Jesus: Tract Tuesdays. And remember, if you don’t spank your kids they will grow up to be drug dealers.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Brother K permalink
    September 29, 2010 3:22 pm

    Oh, I don’t know…I look forward to this becoming a fixture here, but I’ll admit to a small soft spot for tracts. In the best of them, there is always the expressed hope of salvation in Christ no matter how depraved a human being has been* or how desperate the sinner’s situation**, and…well, such hope isn’t such a bad thing, is it?

    That said, I do love it when Jack goes off the reservation into the satanic realms of Hollywood (“This ‘Goonies’ movie will trick kids into worshiping Satan! HAW, HAW!”) or the Music Industry (“What? Kids aren’t buying enough Rock & Roll? How will they get the subliminal satanic messages we’re inserting? Get another coven of Catholic priests in here for a child sacrifice over the master tapes, fast! HAW, HAW!”). Such tracts Are. Pure. GOLD.

    * i.e. Catholic
    **i.e. A member of the Catholic church.

  2. Josh permalink
    October 2, 2010 11:54 am

    I want to know about the guy in the cell with Bob. He’s being burned alive in the fire but we don’t know his story. Was he also not spanked as a kid?

    • Brother K permalink
      October 2, 2010 6:37 pm

      I’m guessing he’s the town’s “Otis” proving the theory that drunks spontaneously combust. Anndddyyyyyy!

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